English, as she is written
As well as tapping away producing all this stuff for the Wolf’s Howl, I also read a lot of websites, blogs, Twitters, Facebook updates and all sorts of other stuff. In addition to all the books I read; you could say that I’m a bit of fan of the English language and all its little foibles - even if some of them are amazingly frustrating.
But I get annoyed when people don’t use proper English when they are writing their posts; I’ve already commented on the “your / you’re” issue, but I’ve also come across people using “no” when they mean “know”, not using capitals, punctuation and all other sorts of trangressions. I don’t claim to write the best English in the world, but I know bad English when I see it and it infuriates me. (And those around me when I complain about it incessantly as I’m doing now).
Which is why it’s such a joy to read Stephen Fry’s blog. If you ask pretty much anyone to name one person who can be relied upon to use correct English - and usually sprinkling it with a generous amount of fruity, little used, gorgeous words along the way - they’ll give you his name. If you’ve ever seen him on QI and wanted more, then his blog and the series of “blessays” so far posted is a brilliant place to start.
For all bloggers, this is how it’s done. Stephen Fry is the gold standard for blogging; he’s the SI measurement; the yardstick by which other bloggers shall be measured.
True love and motorcycle crashes
There’s a piece of video (well, more a PowerPoint presentation really) doing the rounds at the moment that purports to be the true story of a couple who crashed on a motorcycle; the story supposedly illustrates the meaning of true love. Watch the video (click here) and then we’ll talk about it.
Back? OK. Firstly, a confession; I was expecting this video to have a punchline - a funny picture or something - to offset the saccharin of the words and the accompanying music. So I was quite disappointed when it didn’t. I’m also amazed that the person that posted this video on YouTube would believe that it’s a true story of true love. Let’s look at some of the reasons why it’s not:
- If he loves her so much, why isn’t she already wearing the helmet? If they’ve only got one between them, then surely he’d want her to wear it regardless of whether they were about to crash or not?
- If he loves her so much, why is he going 100mph with a pillion passenger who isn’t wearing a helmet? Even when fully protected, it’s always the pillion passenger that comes off worse in any crash.
- If they are going 100mph, why isn’t she already holding on tight?
- If they are going 100mph, how in the hell are they able to swap helmets? Not possible without hastening the crash.
- Motorcycles have independent brakes; that is, you apply the front brake with your hand, and the rear brake with your foot. They are powered by separate hydraulic mechanisms. It would be some sort of miracle if both failed at the same time leaving them without any braking ability whatsoever.
- Even if the impossible has happened and both brakes have failed, they are obviously on a long straight stretch of road (to have time to go through all this rigamarole), so they have time to hit the kill switch and coast to a stop.
So, I don’t believe it. I was going to say it’s a nice story to illustrate true love but it isn’t. It’s just sick.
How much is 25m names, addresses and bank details worth?
Not much if you’re HMG, it would seem. Skimmer has a post on the subject of the Latest Great Data Loss ™ at OnceAroundTheBlog which I think encapsulates the position that a hefty percentage of all people in the UK are now in.
But we musn’t worry; everything’s OK. Gordon’s apologised, the head of HMRC has resigned and the junior clerk responsible for actually putting the CDs in the envelope has been given the push. So everything’s good again.
Oh, except for the fact that there’s two CDs out there SOMEwhere just waiting to be exploited by anyone with the desire to do so, and the fact that the ‘error’ has only arisen because of policy decisions taken higher up in HMRC, which decreed that they would send the National Audit Office ALL of the data they held, rather than just the names and NI numbers they’d actually asked for; apparently, ‘dis-aggragating’ the data “wasn’t cost-effective”.
This is the same Government that wants to introduce a national ID card scheme, who have promised us that our fingerprint and other biometric data is perfectly safe and not open to mis-use, abuse or loss. Yeah, right.
Meanwhile, someone somewhere has got a massive mailing list to sell. Even at 10p per name, they’re onto a winner.
You’re never too old
It all started with the WI in Rylstone in 1999 - getting your kit off on a calendar to raise money for charity. The Rylstone ladies have gone from strength to strength - raising over £1 million so far, having a hit Hollywood film made about their exploits, etc - and many groups have followed their example since.
The latest is Ancaster Athletic, a children’s football team in Lincolnshire. Not satisfied last year with getting the men in the village to pose for a calendar, the team has this year roped in the ladies of the village - including some of the mothers of the players and the wife of the coach - and scooped the big headline.
Nora Hardwick, who will be 102 next week, has posed behind the bar of the local to become Miss November. And let me tell you, she doesn’t look a day over 78!
But you still left her on her own…
This story on the BBC site adds yet another twist to the story about the disappearance of Madeleine McCann. I have only one question to ask Mr McCann:
If you were worried about security around the apartment and thought that you might have been watched by a predator, why did you leave your children on their own?
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