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That’s not what I meant!
By Wolfie | December 27, 2007
Is it just me that finds that in this super-switched on age in which we live - where blogs, email and other electronic written forms are the tools of choice - that text is not actually a very good communicator anymore?
Perhaps it’s the “must do it now”, throwaway sort of culture that we live in, where we no longer spend time over anything. Got a quick email to write? Thirty seconds, click “Send”, off it goes.
And back comes an angry reply from the person you sent it to, asking just what in the hell you’re talking about! Because you didn’t take the time to read what you’d written and think about how it might be received by the person at the other end.
We’ve become very adept at participating in electronic conversations, but a lot of the time what we fail to remember is that in a traditional, face-to-face conversation the words themselves are quite a way down the list when it comes to actually communicating; so much of what we say to each other when we have a conversation is conveyed without words - the way you wave your arms, the way you stand, your facial expression, your tone of voice. But with electronic conversation we’re left only with the words.
I write quite often on this blog and I also participate in various forums across the Net, I comment on other people’s blogs, I use Twitter and so on and time and again I’ve come across the same old thing; slanging matches that have erupted because one person reacted angrily to another person’s post or comment, who then reacted angrily back and so on. But it’s very easy to seem like you’re being dismissive or rude even when you’re not if all you’re using is words.
Even if it doesn’t descend into a flame war, there can still be a lot of misunderstanding on both sides. The first person doesn’t make their point clearly, or the second person doesn’t read the post properly and only picks up on certain things, and you end up with a conversation that just goes round in circles without any real resolution. In the real world, of course, a proper conversation would have sorted it out in about five seconds.
I’m as guilty as the next person on this score; I do tend to write and send, without always reading first. I’m getting better, though, and do try to put myself in the position of the person who’s about to receive my post, email, comment, whatever. For all I know, they might be in a really bad mood, so is my attempt at a humourous remark going to be received in the light that I sent it?
I’m also not necessarily the best at expressing my point of view; I write away and don’t always stick strictly to the point. This happened today, where a blogger had asked for an opinion on an issue so I gave what I thought was a relevant answer. He didn’t take it that way and thought that I was talking about a separate subject - all because I didn’t take enough time to re-read what I’d written before I’d submitted it.
What I’m really trying to say is that if society is moving towards a model that is based less and less on physical interaction - which it certainly seems to be - then we need to improve our written communication skills by about 1,000%. So the next time you send an email, write a comment on a blog, post to a forum or whatever - think about what you’ve written and how it might be received at the other end.
Tags: Writing, Conversation
Disclaimer: All opinions in this blog are either my own or else they’re made up just to get a rise out of you and make you angry. Either way, they’re probably not very well thought out or expressed so do yourself a favour and don’t take the world so seriously.
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:: timethief had this to say:
Wolf,
Thanks for writing on this important topic and for giving me an opportunity to comment.
Just coping with the management of the e communication tsunami is such a daily struggle that I forget the four elements. Communication consists of four elements:broadcasting, reading/listening, contemplation and response. But, like yourself I find it’s frequently my “reading/listening” skills that are lacking and, that when they are my replies can give rise to unnecessary misunderstanding, drama and even offense.
Speaking plainly, I believe that all electronic communications give rise to a sense of urgency that is rarely justified. When we are face-to-face we do not assign “high priority” to every communication we are involved in. In fact, when discussing weighty matters we give one another time and space to carefully consider what will be expressed, prior to expecting an response.
Also, as you point out, in cyberspace we lack the instantaneous facial expression and body language feedback clues that (1) inform us how our messages are being received and that (2) prompt us to recognize when and where further clarification is required.
To establish a focus on reading/listening and contemplation prior to responding, I find I must skim read all incoming communications first and assign a priority to each one. Also note that when I receive e communications that give rise to strong emotions within me I choose not to reply to them for at least 24 - 48 hours. I do this in order to preserve the bond of respect and trust between communicators that forms the base for civilized communication.
When I do deal with each item I have found an effective way to improve my listening and contemplation skills is to read all electronic communications aloud. As I work alone this is no problem for me but, I do recognize that it may not be workable for everyone else.
I concur with your summation. As we move forward in cyberspace, we are experiencing a need to communicate more effectively and clearly. Therefore, I remain open to listening to any tips that your other readers employ to achieve this.
Regards, TT
[Edit by Wolfie: Akismet seems to be a little over-zealous at the moment; I had to rescue this from the spam bin. So I'm turning it off for now.]
9:02 pm :: December 30th, 2007