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Bipolar anyone?
I wrote a series of posts a little while ago that touched on the subjects of depression and suicide. They didn’t make for particularly uplifting reading, but they seemed to touch a nerve with a number of people and I got a number of comments about them.
I mention them again because one of the comments indicated that, while I was reluctant to call what I felt “depression”, it actually was. I was unsure at the time whether I agreed with that and let the comment pass without replying to it. I’m re-thinking that position now because of the way that I’ve been feeling over the last couple of days.
It’s not easy for me to talk about or describe my feelings. There are several reasons for this; chief amongst them are the fact that I’m fairly emotionally closed off and (to make it worse) my writing skills let me down; I get part of the idea across and then I lose my thread. I never was a good communicator.
I’m also generally reluctant to stand up and say that I have a particular health problem. Part of me sees it as weakness, part of me sees it as whinging or being histrionic (”It’s just a cold; you’re not dying”) and part of me just doesn’t believe it. I’m also acutely aware of what I think people that know me will say (”Don’t be such a twat” and things of that ilk, usually).
But having so recently been writing about and examining being on the downswing, I’ve become aware of my emotional state more than ever before in my life. Which is why over the last couple of days I’ve noticed that I’ve been feeling really, really hyper - definitely on the upswing. I’m not sure if anyone else around me has noticed it, but I’ve been generally in a much better mood, with bursts of total synapse overload, which have lead to complete and utter inane wittering, the need to just move about - swinging my arms, dancing, anything - and an overall feeling of happiness.
It’s definitely a good feeling, but I’m not sure what it means.
Comments
4 Responses to “Bipolar anyone?”
I think you know what to do....
Wolfs Stuff
Wolfs Helpers
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When you first wrote about suicide I was loathe to say a word. I knew that your symptoms were indicative of depression. I was so upset that you were self medicating with beer that I did not know what to say to you. Understand that I was not silent because I did not care, I was silent because I’m not a professional counselor and I was afraid that if I shouted at you “Wake up — you are in a state of denial, ” that I would make things worse for you.
I hope you don’t mind but the rest of this comment became so lengthy that it’s really a blog post. I’m taking it out of this comment box and re-writing it offline. I will post it later today and until then I hope you will accept a big cyber {{HUG}}from me.
Namaste (Meaning: I salute the divine light within both thee and me in that time and space within us, wherein we are one.)
Hello again,
I’m dropping in to let you know that I have published the post that I refer to above http://thistimethisspace.com/2008/03/28/straight-talk-an-open-letter/
P.S. I must be out most of the day as I have more eye appointments. I will not arrive home until late this afternoon.
hey there, i haven’t been around here for some time, read brightfeather’s post about what’s been going with you… i myself have thought about suicide before - who hasn’t ever at some point of their life? - but i’d never do it on the basis that i’m too scared of the pain and the unknown of what happens after death. i think death should come not because you want it to, but because it wants to… then it would be a life well-lived.
one can tell that i don’t really know what to say here… but with friends like brightfeather, i hope you realise that there are indeed people who care about you and want you to be happy and healthy.
@sulz:
Good to hear from you again. Sorry it’s not a more cheerful post…